To know Me, Myself, and I
Date - Jan 19, 2025
Me, from Myself, to Banish
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Me from Myself — to banish —
Had I Art —
Impregnable my Fortress
Unto All Heart —
But since Myself — assault Me —
How have I peace
Except by subjugating Consciousness?
And since We're mutual Monarch
How this be
Except by Abdication —
Me — of Me?
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This morning, my family, a friend, and I discussed a poem by Emily Dickinson—a 56-year-old female poet who lived approximately 165 to 185 years ago. For those unfamiliar with her, she comes across as a recluse, broken-hearted, sad, and insightful, retreating into herself in the later years of her life.
Reading this poem together sparked a conversation about the cultural similarities between then and now. We reflected on the universal inner battles we all face—the unconscious conversations we have with ourselves, whether observing our present, reflecting on the past, or imagining the future. These inner dialogues can be harsh, even cruel, as we berate ourselves for things done, in progress, or yet to be. The damage of a fractured relationship or the relentless comparison game—fueled by social media, movies, or interactions with spouses and colleagues—can take a toll, often unnoticed. At 55, I still struggle to navigate these internal battles, which makes me wonder: What impact does this have on the self-esteem and sense of identity of today’s youth?
This discussion brought into focus the rollercoaster of my emotions and self-awareness during life’s challenges, stressful moments, or when I’m triggered. Just when I think I have it all together, something unexpected throws me off balance. Yesterday, unexpectedly my boys bought car and it stressed me out. It’s a long story, but I’ve noticed how my unconscious reactions can sometimes be hurtful or debilitating—just like Emily’s line: “myself assault Me.”
However, as time passes, we age, learn, reflect, and pause. We are humbled by the unique highs and lows of our journey. Eventually, we realize, as Emily wrote, that we conduct ourselves in a “mutual Monarch—me, myself, and I,” still with much to learn. Tragically, though, Emily seems to give up (“abdication”) on herself, surrendering to the abusive nature of her inner voice. Wouldn’t you want to befriend her, urging her to pause, listen, and challenge her unconscious mind with her conscious one?
For me, the sheer amount of unexplored knowledge, juxtaposed with the limited time we have to “get it,” can feel overwhelmingly daunting. The pressure to feel calm, at peace, and complete is something I’m only beginning to understand, but it appears to come to those who truly live in the moment. People who recognize when the mind is taking over know something many of us miss: how the unconscious mind can run amok. We are bombarded with distractions—TV, social media, hectic commutes, overbooked schedules, and endless activities for our kids—leaving us in a state of sensory overload and numbness. How do we wake up?
According to Guru, Jon Kabat-Zinn, mindfulness meditation is a powerful tool that exposes the unconscious mind and allows the conscious mind to attempt to understand both as a personal friend. When we pause, check-in, breathe, and notice how we are doing—where do our thoughts go? The journey begins, and the longer we stay with it, the more transformative it becomes. While I’m no expert and have much to learn, I’m in awe of those who maintain a daily mindfulness practice. They seem to walk with grounded steps, reminding us that we are more than our inner thoughts, possessions, titles, roles, and physical bodies.
In Emily’s poem, she writes, “To banish, had I art, impregnable my fortress, unto all heart.” I resonate with this line, as it reflects on my experience in my 30s. After a relationship fell apart, I found myself starting over. During that time, I, too, banished those who hurt me, building an impenetrable wall around my heart, soul, and mind to protect myself.
Yet, ironically, this form of self-defense doesn’t work for Emily. She remains assaulted by herself. I’ve come to believe that the mental attacks we inflict on ourselves are vicious, especially when left unchecked by self-awareness. As I mature, I see these personal experiences differently. I now view my life as a tapestry, with each thread—whether from old situations or new encounters—adding color to the picture of my life. I’ve chosen to embrace these threads with an open growth mindset, learning, with tenderness, and love, accepting where I am today and trusting that I’m on this path for a reason.
I’ve always cherished building meaningful connections with the people in my life. Deep conversations not only enrich my understanding but also bring greater clarity to my existence. These shared moments strengthen our bonds. Yet, in the quietness of my home, I’ve come to realize how fortunate I am to nurture the most important relationship of all—the one with myself.
